I have always struggled with my mental health. It got really bad when I was in highschool. My doctor kept putting me on antidepressants thinking it would fix it, instead it make it worse. I remember being so mad at myself, and always thinking "people have it so much worse" or "I have everything I need why am I still not happy". In highschool I struggled to talk about it because no one really did. I didn't think anyone was going through the same thing as me, and didn't want to be thought of any different. In grade 12, I felt the most alone.
Everyone was talking about what university they would be attending and how excited they were for the future and I just could not relate. I was questioning if I could even make it through the day. The thoughts eventually took over and I attempted to over dose. As soon as I did it I regretted it. I remembering thinking about how if I died I would miss out on getting to graduate, travel the world, meet new people, get married, have kids, and all these things. After that I got some help and started talking about it a bit more, but still not fully sharing everything I was feeling. I went away to live abroad for 10 months. I felt good for a couple of years, then it all started again
This was the worst ever. I was alone at school and again didn't want to talk about it. I ended up reaching out to my therapist and I went to see her and ended up being hospitalized. In the hospital is the first time I fully let everything out. I told the nurses and doctors everything I was feeling. I told my family and friends everything. This was the best choice I ever made. It led to a proper diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. meaning I could go on proper medication instead of antidepressants. It meant getting SO much support from doctor's, nurses, friends and family. I joined a few groups and did research and have never looked back. Now I have tools that I don't even have to think about using.
The best thing I ever did was talk about it. I still have hard day's or months but I need to do is reach out and talk about it and get the support I need. I can't express enough how important it is to talk, and how important it is to listen. Yoga and therapy were very important to y recovery and I still have to practice both of them regularly to feel good and to maintain the mental health I have now.